That ‘Uncomfortable’ Feeling


I sat there stunned when my manager Leslie called me into her office. I had that pit in my stomach again. My mind was blank, as my last day at this place had turned into a nightmare. I slowly rose from my seat and walked, head down, into her office.

‘Close the door’ she said as she made her way to her chair behind her desk.

I closed the door and took a seat. I really had no idea what was going to be said, but I was to find out very soon.

‘So’ she began.

‘Roger (who was the owner and her husband) had dinner with Mario last night’.

Mario was the partner of Roger who conducted business in Quebec and handled our French artists. Mario was a nice man, but a major partier.

‘It seems that Mario is quite upset you are leaving our company’ she continued on.

‘Ah, well it’s time to move on, but I will miss everyone here’ I said clutching my hands together and looking past her.

‘Mario had some interesting things to say to Roger. Can you guess what?’ she said looking straight at me.

How was I supposed to know what Mario said? I spoke to him more often on the phone than in person. And we only spoke about the artists and the promotion end of the business. We never had a personal relationship.

‘No’ I said shaking my head, trying to think of what he may have said to Roger.

‘Well, it seems Mario was angry you quit’ she said tersely.

I was just about to say something, not sure what, when she continued to speak.

‘He said the only reason you are leaving here is because of me, the way I treat you and because I’m a bitch’ she flatly said not taking her eyes off of me.

Shit, I thought as I looked down at my feet. How was I supposed to convince her otherwise? My mind went blank. What was I going to say?

My eyes scanned the office and then I said, looking at her phone wishing it would ring,

‘No, that’s not the reason. Its just time for me to move on.’

Really? That’s all I had? I couldn’t tell the truth. As much as I would have liked to deck Mario at this moment, he wasn’t really lying. Although, I couldn’t tell her that ‘yes, you are a bitch to me, you never introduce me to anyone at any of the events we attend together, you leave me stranded in the corner, you insist I should date a radio personality because he is one of our acts number one fan, you constantly yell in the office, throw items in your office, and everyday at least a dozen times you slam your door, its always been about you, how you look, how everyone loves you, there was no guidance from you, I learned everything myself in this position on the fly, you are a horrible manager’…

Nope, couldn’t say all of that. Again, I said aloud,

‘That’s crazy; I’m leaving because there is nowhere to go in this company, you and Roger are married and there are no other positions available. I needed a change, so that’s why I quit’.

‘Hmmm’ she said.

And there it was, the ‘cricket’ silence.

I took a deep breath, feeling the blood rush to my face and said,

‘Is that all?’

‘I guess so’, she said angrily.

I quickly rose up out of the chair, turned around, opened the door and walked back to my desk.

Well, I thought, I should have stayed in bed today. This day had turned into a witch-hunt trial, with me being on trial. Not only that, I had nowhere to go on Monday as the owner of the radio station had dissolved the ‘promotion coordinator’ position.

God, I needed a to get out of this place immediately, before I lose it, I thought.

I cleaned up my desk, walked over to the Roger’s office, said ‘good-bye’, and repeated the exact display standing at Leslie’s office. Neither one raised their heads from their desk as I walked out of the company. It was done and I had nowhere to go except for home. As I saw it, I couldn’t use this company as a reference, nor did I know if I had a job to go to on Monday.

I needed a drink, and more than likely, a cry!


© 2014 Paula Bilz. All Rights Reserved.


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